back

hey guys..i m back blogging again. yeahz. those pics u seen below r those taken durin nc day dinner. yeah. although didnt eat much, i sure did had lots of fun with those guys. manage to catch up with sharon, whom i had not seen for months...she did changed alot. she lost so much weight...well, she looks better this way.
yeahz. n also, saw yihan, was pretty shocked that she turned out so pretty as well. muz b e make up. ha. anyway, she is pretty. no doubt bout that. n so is my best cadet, xueli. oh well, i guess this will b my last dinner. i dun htink i wld wan to go nex yr. it will have to depend who is going. cos, i guess i will feel very out of place if i were to go. all e young kids...i will b 21 by nex year.

n after e dinner, we went to have a drink over at sembawang. didnt drink much though juz a bottle of heineken. cos i have to work at 6am ltr on. so, juz sit there, n see alex play pool. went home at ard 12++ i think. bathed, slept n woke up at 5.15 n rushed to plaza. i was practically stoning the whole morning. it wasnt that busy till ard e 3+ show. where i was working non-stop for ard 15mins at e counter serving popcorn. after work, juz went home n slept till ard 9pm, wake up had my dinner, n went back to slp at ard 12....cldnt help it. was too darn tired.

oh well, i m sick of typing. juz wana get some rest. so i will blog again when i m free. so buaiz...see ya..miss ya yihan...

me n yihan...aint she pretty? 

greedy pigs...look at my red face...geez. 

i almost cldnt see thinesh..opps... 

me siew ping n alex.. 

siew ping n me....first time see her in skirt...pink one somemore.... 

me n my mei, sharon 

angie & me 

tao me n gx..40th rocks! 

me n xueli 

injured

didnt had e time to blog last night. so here it goes.

didnt had a gd day at training. almost fainted under e sun. i guess, its e toll on myself i have been suffering over e past few days. havent been sleepin well, eating well etc...for e whole duration of e training, i cldnt concentrate well, my batting sux, my fielding position was all off, i cldnt direct my throw low...sigh. n ivp is like only nex week. i wonder how will i cope. n not to mention, my ankle was hit by zhiyong's pitch. it wasnt that bad until when training is over when eddie threw a ball at me n hit e same spot. for once, i cldnt walk. juz squatting on e field waiting for e pain to subside...oh well...i cldnt care less. its has been a rough week for me. i wonder hw long more will this go on. hopefully ic an recover...

anyway, i wld like to thank all e ppl who has came into my life this week, showing their care n concern for me. u guys have been great n i really apprciated it. thanks. although i m still feeling down, but rest assured yr efforts arent forgotten. as i said, its not going to b easy for me to survive this, but somehow, i will. but how? i do not know. so, till thn, i m still e same old me. ;) take care n farewell...

piecing my heart back together...

its e weds. n now, i still can feel e pain inside me. i have not been sleeping well since monday night.whenever i close my eyes, her face, her smile, her everything will run through my mind. all i cld was to cry n force myself to slp.

n u ppl might think wat is a 20yr old guy crying himself to sleep good for? basically good for nothing. i cldnt care less. this is e emotional side of me. all of u have seen e outside of me, but have yet to see e softer of me. n there u r. all of u have seen e brittle side of me.

i duno wat to do now. i feel myself going back to become to old me. e old porcupine. e same old touchy me. e impatient me. e cldnt-care-wat-e-world-is-doing me n e i-dont-give-a-fuck-to-u me. n yes. this is how hard i have fallen. some of u might have seen e change in me over e past few months. frm a negative side of me, i have learnt to smile more n care for ppl more. but now, all these will change. i will no longer smile as often as i want. i will stop to care for ppl anymore. i will revert back to my heck care attitude. i have given up on life. i see no direction towards it. so, i will just live by e day n wait to see wat happens tomorrow.

ppl always say, if a relationship fails, it means there is a better ger out there. i will say its bullshit. its juz nonsense to comfort e person. i have lost e confidence to love another person. i wldnt allow myself to love n to b hurt like this again. i cant take another blow.

guys r jerks. but wat bout gers? guys go ard breaking gers heart, but arent u gers guilty of doing the same thing too? everything is equal. no such thing as guys r more superior or watever shit.

oh well, i cant b bothered anymore. every minute that go past is a torture to me. cos she has yet to leave my heart. n i can still feel her beating inside me.

now, i dun think i will go to e places we went before for e time being. it will juz bring back those memories. e happy memories. but it will trigger those ter buds..
thn again, i will b working at gv plaza. how m i goin to cope with that? hopefully i dun break dwn n cry while working. those guys there sure will kana freak out...

sigh..i got no idea how m i goin to cope with this. i will try, but i cant gurantee i will succeed...cos, i have lost e will to fight. i cant carry on e battle. so, can someone pls give me the strength to fight?

crying my heart out

sorry aint the word that can piece my heart back...just when i have gathered the courage to love again, it became lost. just when u have given me the light n hope to make me stand on my feet, i fell again.

y does this shit has to happen to me? i shldnt have met u today. i shldnt have allowed myself to see u face to face to know that u have chosen him over me. y? i nvr had e courage to tell u i love u cos i m afraid i will hurt u. i was afraid to ask u to b my gf not bcos u wld reject me but bcos i m afraid i wld hurt u.

i will always remember our 1st date at cine n wat u wore. i will always remember e 1st time i hold yr hand at gv marina after watching harry potter. i will always remember e 1st time i kissed u in e car at toa payoh lor 5. i will always remember e 1st time i bought lunch for u to yr house.

our 1st movie harry potter J19 & J20 (gv marina)
our 2nd movie day after tomorrow J11 & J 12 (eng wah suntec)
our 3rd movie best bet E11 & E12 (gv plaza)
our 5th movie breaking news D9 & D10 (lido)
our 4th movie ard e world H9 & H10 (gv plaza)
our 6th movie spiderman B1 & B2 (cine)
our last movie.....king arthur G9 & G10 (cine)

neither will i forgot e time in zouk when we hugged right on e dance floor.

they say things happen for a reason. but i cant find the reason for this. u asked me if you r worth e effort that i put in, without hesitation, i replied yes. y cos, i love u. u only know i care for u. u said u r touched by my sincerity.n u said u do not wish to torture me anymore. i have nvr doubt yr words.

i tried my best to win yr heart. but it belongs to someone else. i tried to convince u but i failed.

everytime when i hear my phone sound, how i wish it was yrmessage. everytime when i send u a message how i wish e nex message wld b yrs.

i m breaking down once again. i m lost again. i have fallen once again. i have lost my confidence again. i have lost the war against myself. i m slipping back into solitude.

but this i will tell u. all e promises i made to u before will not change. it will always stay. n no matter wat happen along the way, i will always be there for u. i will always be the last person u can fall back on. n i will always b holding the sky for u. n i will always b around when u need me.

n i thing will not change. i love u.

broken wing....

+*~Promises Flew Beautifully And Disappeared into the Clouds~*+

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.Once you have loved, you will always love.
For what's in your mind may escape but what's in your heart will remain forever.

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside her knowing you can't have her, see her or be with her ever
again............

Find time to realize that there is one person who mean so much to you, for you might wake up one morning losing that person who you thought meant nothing to you.

Always Loving You =)


oh well, i cant think of anything to write. hope she will understand one day. i really hope she does....i will wait for her. yes i will. n this i promise u.

fallen

i duno wat is happening to me. i can feel e ground below me breaking. i m sinking. i have failed in being strong. i wan to give up. i cant take it anymore. y is this happening to me. y.

why do i feel this strong of sadness in me. my heart is breaking n bleeding. do u know? i doubt u know. i aint e monster i used to b. i m defeated. defeated by this enemy called love. i cant stand up to face it anymore. i have been battered n bruised n survive before. but, today right now, i cant find e strength to fight back. i have failed.

do u know when u said u dun wan to meet me i was pretty upset. but e feeling is still quite alright. e moment i found out u went out with him, i was shattered. i was disappointed. no words can describe e feeling i have in my heart. i feel like crying out. n i almost did. its e reason that i was outside that i did not cry out. but, on my bed, i thought of e happy times we were together, tears flowed through my eyes. tears of joy that we had n tears of sadness when i do not see u both mixed n flowed out together.

i dun blame u. i blame myself. blame myself for everything. i m nothing but a fool.

-a fallen monster-

3rd August
Army officer dies in Woodlands motorcycle crash
SINGAPORE : A 26-year-old staff sergeant died of severe head injuries after crashing his motorcycle into a road divider on Tuesday night.

Police say Foong Kar Kay was riding his motorcycle along Woodlands Road towards Bukit Panjang when his bike veered right and slammed into the road divider.

The impact of the crash threw Foong off his vehicle. He hit the LTA vehicle count box on the other side of the road before landing on the opposite lane.

He was pronounced dead at the scene at 9:50pm.

sigh. i juz gotten back from leslie's wake. till now, i m still in shock as how did e whole thing ever happened. its juz too sudden to me. he is only 26. e future is still bright for him. he has got so much to offer. he is in his prime age, n things like that has to happen.

e feeling of knowing that a friend has died is juz very diff when an elderly person has died. i juz cldnt explain y. juz now, while singing some of his fav songs in frnt of his coffin, i was fighting back my tears.

i m at a lost of words. nothing can describe my feeling now. i juz feel for his family. e pain of having to send yr son off on his last journey. e pain of losing a brother dearest to u. e pain of losing yr beloved boyfriend. n e pain of losing someone u call friend.

leslie, may e lord be with u. rest in peace my friend. u will always be remembered by us...

leslie. rest in peace. 

tired.......

geez...i m very tired...lack of sleep. i needed that pretty much.

anyway, had training 2dae. not too bad. still quite alright. nuthin special. n i went off early to go for my advance theory. well, this is my 2nd time taking it, n hpefully, i can make it thru this time rd. needed to pass it pretty badly so i can get my license by year end. tads my aim for this yr. n also, not forgetting passing all my modules. hahahzz....

oh well, i have been feeling quite down this week. i dun think i need to speel it out, u guys shld know. its been 2 weeks since i last saw her. n we hasnt been talkin much, or rather we haven been talking since last week. sigh. if this keeps goin on, i wonder wat will happen. as i said earlier on, i aint expecting much. but i know, if i dun do something, e ultimate will happen. i dun wan to lose her. sigh. i miss her. i really do...

i guess i shall juz end off here. nuthin special happened 2dae. juz blogged for e sake of blogging...yeah..gd nitz ppl

rainy saturday

oh well, e game did not go as planned due to e early morning shower. i woke up at 7 realising i was late to meet e guys in sch, so i bathed, changed n rush dwn to sch in cab. n yes, its e 8th time i took a cab this week. anyway, while we were on e bus to np, it started to rain heavily. so, since we r on our way, we dropped dwn at np n waited for e rain to stop b4 heading back so sp to put our equipments back. wat a saturday.

after keeping all e equipment back, zhiyong suggested we went for lunch. so, me, marcus, ken, zhiyong n andy headed dwn to town. our initial plan was to head for sakae, but since we cldnt find any buffet for sushi, zhiyong suggested we go have steamboat at coca. it wasnt a bad idea after all since it is a rainy weather, n e thought of sitting dwn to a hot pot of food juz sounds so nice n comforting. so in e end we headed to coca at taka. n yes, we ate till we gave up. anyway, e food there is nice. e meat ball, e fish glue, n some other balls. its worth e $20 per head after all. after we had our fill, we went off. marcus headed off to city hall to meet his frd, andy went off too. zhiyong n ken took e train, n me, went home in e bus. after reaching home, it was in lala land till ard 8+. it was a super nice slp i shld say. i enjoyed my sleep damn much. i wish i cld slp like this everyday...sigh...hahaz..

anyway, time to head back to lala land once again. thats about it. so long...